Isn't It Ironic?

Wow! I actually did it!

I've posted before about how baby boomers are going to change perceptions regarding retirement, basically by choosing to pursue a secondary, or encore, career that aligns with a personal goal or passion. And, guess what! I have managed to do just that. Ain't it great when a plan works?

After fifteen years at a job in which my role had become mundane and dealing with serious personal issues at the same time, I was beginning to feel like my life had become a movie — which made me feel really old. 

The movie was "Finnegan Begin Again," starring Robert Preston and Mary Tyler Moore. (It got really bad promotion, because it's a sweet movie — about old people.) For those who have seen it, I felt I was living the life of the Robert Preston character, Mike. Ironic, in a Freudian sense.

Then, ironically, the communications medium I had declared an invasion of privacy — and the first step in the loss of civil liberty — gave me my heart's desire... the dream job... the encore career. The National World War I Museum was wanting to fill a position, for which I was uniquely suited. And, I knew this because I admired the Museum and "liked" its Facebook page. 

Again ironically, the 15 years of experience at a career I had come to loathe was instrumental in helping me get my dream job. The seniority I held at that job turned out to be leadership in an induced coma. I'm pretty sure there has to be a beatitude that covers this. And, if there isn't, there should be.

The plan had turned out to be the right direction, after all. The belief had been real. I feel I am making a living without working. How many people get to say that and mean it? 

The definition of irony is life. 

Second Childhood

What we do know is that... another awakening took place; that the human spirit is more powerful than any drug and THAT is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. THESE are the things that matter. This is what we'd forgotten — the simplest things. ~from the movie "Awakenings"

So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key. ~The Eagles, "Already Gone"


As I mentioned in my previous post, my primary objective in writing this blog has been to do something toward setting a new standard on attitudes about aging. I have some friends who spend a lot of time dwelling on the past, moaning about lost youth, remembering the so-called better times when all was new and exciting. Or, worse, there are those who desperately fight the inevitability of growing older, torturing their bodies with plastic surgery and chemical supplements to convince themselves and the world they are just as virile, just as agile, just as young as they want to be... which is really just silly. How can the past be better than the here and now or, more significantly, the future? Why is aging something we’re all supposed to fight off? I think it’s time for us to pull out that revolutionary spirit our generation is so famous for and create the social norm of deliberate aging. George Bernard Shaw said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.”

Grab a pen and paper, put yourself in a positive frame of mind and deliberately think about some of the nice perks you’re experiencing since turning 50. For me, there are quite a few, so I'll get this ball rolling…

First and foremost — and this underscores everything that follows — is an attitude shift with regard to pursuing what makes me happy rather than adopting the happiness formula of others. When all of us are young, peer pressure is so pervasive in our lives that acceptance  becomes one of the most important aspects of existence. I spent an obscene amount of time worrying about whether or not people liked me (I was convinced they didn’t), wanting to be one of the cool kids (I most definitely was not) and trying to stand out by copying exactly what my friends were doing, wearing, saying. Are there any heads nodding in agreement on this sentiment? Around the age of 50, I seemed to develop an attitude shift of, “Sorry you don’t like me, but have a nice life anyway!” And, the end result was amazing confidence in myself, total acceptance of my limitations and unmitigated pride in those little quirks that make me unique.

I’ve noticed, also, that people have become much more tolerant of my straight-forward way of communicating. I haven’t figured out why frank expression is permitted from the moment we begin to speak, even admired as the truth of the innocent, until about the age of 6, when it suddenly becomes anti-social and remains so for the biggest portion of our adult lives. Then, just as suddenly, around the age of 60, it’s OK again. Jump in with any theories on this. Not that it matters. There are few things that are a bigger irritant to me than trying to prove superior intelligence with diarrhea of the mouth, using 50 words to express what could be just as easily understood with 10.

Another plus is that nerdy knowledge, like history (which I love, but found to be such a conversation dud 30 years ago), is now cool. Start spouting off some historical facts to someone in their 20s and they are blown away… seriously. I once corrected someone on the quote attributed to Marie Antoinette, “Let them eat cake,” which she didn’t say, and loved it when the person said, “I didn’t know that,” in a way that suggested I just had to be an incredibly smart person. Or, maybe my head swelled so quickly that I was oblivious to the inference that I was so old I probably had first-hand knowledge. Doesn’t matter. I’ll shamelessly take any credit for intelligence, regardless of intent.

What’s even more recognizable by me is how my own perception of what I consider cool, interesting and fun has changed. For example, I think feeding and watching birds is one of the coolest things in the world to do. There, I said it… think what you like. Truth be told, I could have admitted this years ago. I have no clue why enjoyment in feeding, observing and learning to identify birds is taboo before the age of 50. But, again, it doesn’t matter. I live in the city, but in the spring and summer, I can open up my house and hear birds singing like I’m living in the middle of a wooded park.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s the chicken and egg paradox, as in my newly found interest in learning about wines. Recently, I participated in a wine tasting during which a European gentleman introduced the wines, describing the processes and providing history for each winery represented. It was extremely informative. And, there’s just something about a man with a charming French accent talking about wines that makes you think, “This man is a FREAKING WINE GENIUS!” Of course, on the subject of wines, it doesn’t take a whole lot to dumb me down. While I’m loving the learning process as it unfolds, I wonder sometimes if this is a latent interest that was suppressed because there was nothing in my life before that would encourage pursuit, or is it the maturity of my years that has prompted the enjoyment of both the taste and the knowledge? Doesn’t matter. I don’t always drink wine with my meal, but when I do, at least I know what I’m doing… kind of.

Which brings me to a personal revelation with regard to my musical tastes… in particular, jazz. I’ve come to realize I’ve always liked it. Steely Dan; Earth, Wind and Fire; Chicago; Blood, Sweat and Tears; Santana; Steve Wonder… all artists I loved in my youth — and still do — and all have musical styles steeped in jazz. But, I never would have acknowledged that fact 30 years ago when I was actually bobbing my head to “Shining Star” or “You Haven’t Done Nothing.” I listened to rock and roll. My parents listened to jazz. Now that I’ve embraced this realization, I've learned so much about the genre. Holy cow! The musicality, the talent, the expertise… it’s like finding the Holy Grail of music. But,  that’s a future discussion.

Summing up, the best thing about growing older is that the perspective on life becomes more realistic. I’ve lived through some heartbreakingly sad times that literally brought me to my knees and emerged stronger. I’ve loved and lost, and the sun still came up every day. I’ve been desperately poor, but survived and prospered. I’ve learned how insignificant, yet precious, we all are. There are some things I wish I had done differently, but I don’t know anyone with whom I would be willing to trade lives, even myself as a 20-year-old. And, as far as I’m concerned, the best is yet to come!

All in all, growing old is an awakening, the realization that work, play, friendship, family… these are the things that matter. Everything else, including regret and fear of aging, is chaff to be winnowed away and forgotten. It’s all in perception, and I plan to deliberately approach each new tomorrow with gratitude, wonder and excitement. How about you? You wanna play? Or, grow old?

Taking Care of Business

"Premonitions…Premonitions…deep questions they are. Sense the future, once all Jedi could; now few alone have the skill. Visions…gifts from the Force, and curses." ~ Yoda, “Episode III — Revenge of the Sith”

OK, can we talk seriously for a minute or two? Throughout the decades, from 1946 to now, we have impacted every aspect of what people call the American Dream. Have you ever wondered just what that term means? The Constitution outlines it as all men being equally deserving of the opportunity to pursue life, liberty and happiness. It is the very epitome of what it means to be an American citizen. It is so important, that the 13th Amendment was enacted to extend that promise without racial bias and the 19th Amendment made it inclusive to women by giving them a voice at the polls. It’s not just words; it’s a moral direction we all vow to uphold with the words, “I pledge allegiance to…” I don’t know about you, but I’m totally down with that. It’s what I demand for myself but, more importantly, what I want to guarantee for my kids and grandkids. Which brings us to my whole intended purpose in writing this blog… to challenge all baby boomers to set the standard for a better, richer and fuller life after 50 that will be the blueprint for future generations. In other words, just as we have at every stage of life, let’s plow the road!!

We may not have to grow old in the traditional sense, but we will eventually have to face our mortality. I am reminded of the 2,000 who left their homes on Sept. 11, 2001, without a clue that they were kissing their children and spouses for the last time. Unless you’ve got a crystal ball or the sight of a Jedi master, nobody knows what our future really holds. There’s always the possibility of being struck by a debilitating disease or injury, despite all your efforts to stay active and healthy. In this case, it’s not about you anymore, it’s about the people you love and who love you. Just as you cannot accurately predict how or when you will leave this life, you can’t predict the circumstances in which your survivors may find themselves at that time.

I always think of the movie, “Imitation of Life,” when I think about end-of-life preparations. At the end of the movie, Annie tells her friends her last wishes are all written down, and they include a gospel choir (with Mahalia Jackson, no less) a horse-drawn, glass-sided hearse and a brass band parade. Before she dies, she says, “Everything’s paid for.” Well, of course it was all paid for! It’s a movie, for crying out loud! But, what about real life? How much preparation have you taken?

Funeral expenses are just one aspect of planning for the inevitable. It’s been almost a year since my mother had her stroke and passed away. That experience taught me some hard and serious lessons, not the least of which was stroke symptoms. Had I put my foot down and insisted that my mother go to a facility with on-site medical staff when I first thought, “She’s really losing it,” she probably would have been spared the agony of stroke aftermath —unable to talk, walk or swallow, being fed through a tube inserted in her stomach, with the cognizance of a child. But, I ignorantly mistook her symptoms as normal aging and gave in to her insistence of independent living… not that I could have done anything about it, which was lesson number two. Because I did not have medical power of attorney, short of taking legal steps to prove incompetence and without the assistance of her doctor — don’t even get me started on geriatric medical care — I was overruled.

And, it only gets worse. Besides being unable to force the issue legally of her moving to an assisted living facility, quite frankly, I was appalled at what we would be able to afford for her, which I can only describe as slightly better than a refugee center. What followed was a series of emotional body blows that seemed to be leading to the conclusion of me quitting my job in order to stay home and care for my mother, seriously compromising my own future security and setting the stage for being a burden to my own children should something happen to me. Luckily, my brother and I had learned my mother had no burial plan or life insurance years before she suffered the stroke and, by purchasing a plan in advance, we were able to avoid financial disaster upon her death a month after the stroke. That one month seemed like the longest year of my life.

We all do what we have to do when it comes to family, as much because we love them as because it is our moral obligation. But, that doesn’t mean it should ever be an expectation. By planning and making provisions for the inevitable, we take the first steps in protecting the future lives of our loved ones. Below are some important actions you should seriously consider taking to assure that the American Dream remains a viable option for your survivors.

1. Purchase a burial policy. Unlike auto or homeowner’s insurance, it’s a guarantee that you’ll use it. The added bonus is that you’ll lock in the cost at current prices. In 2010, average funeral costs were around $8,000 for the basics. That’s up 40% from 2000. For a lot of folks, life insurance is provided through an employee group policy, which ceases upon retirement. Yes, Social Security has a death benefit… a whopping $255, which leaves your survivors holding the bag for a large, immediate out-of-pocket expense.

2. Create an advance directive, commonly called a living will. Generally, this document outlines your wishes concerning life-prolonging treatments, specifically which treatments you do or do not want applied to you in the event you either suffer from a terminal illness or are in a permanent vegetative state. A living will does not become effective unless you are incapacitated; until then you'll be able to say what treatments you do or don't want.

3. Give medical power of attorney to the person who will most likely take responsibility for your care, should it become necessary. This will allow that person to make decisions regarding your health care only when a physician certifies, in writing, that you are incapable of making your own decisions. Without it, you are at the mercy and complete control of the medical community in accordance with the law. May I just say here, a doctor or hospital will be absolutely committed to continuing your life with every available medical treatment and technology, so help them God. In my stressful, emotional state, I honestly began to think they considered my mother a medical science experiment.

There are restrictions in place that prevent abuse with the power of attorney. It does not allow for you to be committed to a mental institution without physician referral, given convulsive treatment or psychosurgery or be denied comfort care. And, in the medical power of attorney document itself, you can limit the extent of decision-making authority.

4. Purchase long-term care insurance. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, about 60 percent of individuals over age 65 will require at least some type of long-term care services during their lifetimes. If a weatherman says 60 percent chance of rain, most of us expect to get wet. I cannot stress this enough. Grab your umbrella!

If you have any doubt about this, I strongly urge you to do the research. This is what you are likely to find:

• Average cost per month for assisted living is $3,000. If you can afford this, your financial planner deserves to be mentioned in your will.
• Average cost for a private room in a nursing home is $190 a day. Semi-private rooms are not much cheaper. Ever stayed in a hospital for a few days, sharing a room with a total stranger, with all his total stranger family coming and going, listening to his every cough, gag, sneeze, wheeze, burp and fart 24 hours a day? Want to try it with the additional codicil of "until you die?" I rest my case.
• Adult in-home day care averages $40 a day. This is where you get a really nice person coming into your home as needed, asking you, "How are we doing today?" He takes your vitals, fluffs your pillows, prepares something for you to eat, helps you bathe, makes small talk, does the laundry and light housekeeping. It's a pretty good deal, really, for $1,000 a month. And, Medicare will pick up part of the tab. But, those are today's prices. Once all us baby boomers start reaching the point of needing this kind of service, supply and demand is going to push that price up more and more.
• Home health aide services average $20 a day. This is just your basic checking your vitals, giving you medication, making sure you're going to make it through another day and gone.

5.  Finally, do some research on hospice care. I have experience with this service in caring for my father, who was allowed to die under his own terms and with dignity at home with his loved ones close by at all times. It was hard watching him waste away, but it gave every member of the family an opportunity to close the book on their relationship with him privately and in their own way. And, Medicare pays for it.

It’s a no-brainer. Assuring that your survivors are not subjected to a painful legacy of undeserved debt will make for happy memories of someone who loved them enough to plan. And that, my friends, is called immortality.

Don’t hate me because I’m a baby boomer.

I think some people, especially Gen X upstarts, believe me to be a little too proud of my baby boomer status. Whatever. Baby boomers are defined by the 60s decade. Some people nowadays look back on that time with a sense of nostalgia. Sure, a lot of cool things happened, but it wasn’t all drugs, sex and rock and roll. Some parts were downright ugly. Anyone who survived them without obtaining an arrest record, FBI file or change in country of residence is entitled to some bragging rights.

I’ve read several articles recently in which 20-somethings are complaining that if the baby boomers would just retire (roll eyes here), there would be more opportunities for them. Yet, there is a growing number of employers who are recognizing that following generations do not have the commitment or work ethic of us oldsters and are making efforts to encourage the experienced older employees to remain, rather than risk the expense of training someone just to have them jump ship a couple of years later. Employment analysts report that the total cost of training a new employee, including lost revenue due to reduction in prime production levels, on average, equals three times that person's annual salary. Average tenure on a job for baby boomers is 11 years. For Millennials, that number drops by half. That's a significant difference in ROI. 

Quite frankly, you whippersnappers should probably think twice about pushing us to move out of the work force. It’s not just the impact on Social Security that has Congress nervous about baby boomers retiring. All you have to do is look at how marketing has followed the spending patterns of our huge demographic over the years to understand the power the boomer consumer has on the economy. Trust me... You do not want us having to severely curb our spending habits due to being on a fixed income. The numbers are irrefutable. Boomers have more discretionary income than any other age group, control $7 trillion of wealth, own 80% of all money in savings and loan associations, spend more money per person than any other age group and account for a whopping 40% of total consumer demand. Yeah, chew on that for a while.

Truth be told, baby boomers could just as easily claim that the recent change in attitudes regarding retirement age and Social Security is part of a conspiracy to keep our money flowing into the coffers. Ford Motor Company is certainly paying attention. It is the first and only automotive manufacturer to use a "third-age suit" to give younger engineers and designers a feel for the needs of older drivers. The suit mimics some of the physical restrictions that are common for people over age 50. Want to know why? It’s because the average American household purchases 13 cars over a lifetime — and seven of those are purchased after the head of the household turns 50, according to a survey conducted by AutoPacific.

And, that’s just the beginning. Experts predict that, by 2050, for the first time in history, the population over 65 will be greater than the population under five. You can have no doubt that, true to our history of setting the standard for social awareness by upsetting the status quo, baby boomers will drive the development of products that accommodate rather than discriminate, sympathize rather than stigmatize, and appeal to users of all ages and abilities. Just as we were the catalyst for change to make it easier for later generations to go to college, women to achieve C-suite positions and everyone to see what goes on in the oval office, all while teaching the world to sing (right before enjoying a Coke), we will effect change on the mythic limitations of age.

 So, I make no apologies for being loud and proud of being a boomer. From birth, our very existence has effected social and economic changes, some due to our sheer number, others due to our collective beliefs, some good, some bad. But, we’re still here, and we are obviously still relevant. If you youngsters just absolutely have to blame somebody for our continued strength, blame modern medicine. Average life expectancy at the turn of the 20^th Century was 45. It is now 78. When you get to be my age, it’ll probably be 100, and all the 40-somethings will be lobbying for you to step aside.

Age is nothing. Attitude is everything, so take heart with this... We made it super hip to be young. We are now making it super hip to be old — because that’s just the way we roll. You’re welcome.

Shifting Gears

I originally started this blog with three goals in mind: to talk about the great places I've visited; to encourage other older, single women to be bold about traveling; and, to inspire people to learn about the history of the US. I explained how life circumstances first led me to discover my love for travel. Now, life circumstances have conspired to limit my ability to do so, at least for a while. But, it's all OK! I still refuse to live a fuddy-duddy life. And, I still want to inspire other baby boomers to continue in the movement we all started as teenagers, that of never growing too old to challenge ourselves!

So, I'm shifting gears and have decided to dedicate this blog to sharing ideas and inspiration for changing the perception of post-productive years from winding-down to awe-inspiring. I hope you'll share your experiences, as well. And, with 2012 only hours away, it's the perfect time to reflect on the theme of "out with the old, in with the new."

Do you fall into the trap of making the same New Year's resolutions, year after year, but never really achieving those goals? I know I used to. But, I think I know why, at least for me, I was never able to reach my intended goal... I made my resolutuions too vague and unmeasurable. I found myself saying, "This year I'm going to lose weight, work out more, spend more time with friends and family, blah, blah, blah." The key to that is, I never said how much weight I was going to lose, how many times a week I was going to work out, how much time I was going to visit or communicate with friends and family. So, it was a glass half-full/half empty concept of success, with success depending solely on perception. One pound would be weight loss, but hardly worth counting as an achievement.

But, in 2011, I did something different. I became specific in my goals. For instance I promised myself I would read at least 30 minutes a day. I read 12 books last year, a new record for me. (By the way, Goodreads is a great online resource for reading.) I also shared my resolutions in writing... on Facebook... with everyone I knew... and that brought in the element of accountability. So, after having some, albeit nominal, success in meeting my goals last year, here are my resolutions for 2012. I hope you'll feel comfortable in sharing yours, as well. But, if not, I challenge you to, at least, make one measurable promise to yourself, write it down and save it for future inspiration.

I do hereby resolve that, in the year 2012, I will (in no particular order of importance):

1.  Work out and/or exercise at least five hours a week.
2.  Spend 30 minutes a day in leisure reading.
3.  Achieve my goal weight of 150 pounds.
4.  Once a month, eat at a restaurant I've never visited before.
5.  Attend four cultural events.
6.  Attend four knowledge-building events.
7.  Volunteer 25 hours.
8.  Put $1,000 in savings.
9.  Give to three charities.
10. Post to this blog once a month.
11. Make my spare room habitable for overnight guests.
12. Spend one evening per month with friends and/or family.

It seems like a lot, but there's a method to my madness. You'll notice a lot of these are strictly for fun and entertainment, easy to keep. It helps with motivation on achieving the harder ones, such as volunteering, saving and losing weight. OK, now it's your turn... 

Oh, and before I forget, my best wishes for all of you to have a great New Year's Eve, with happiness and prosperity in 2012!! Cheers!!