Resolutions, Intentions and Other Paving Stones

"I like to encourage people to realize that any action is a good action if it's proactive, and there is positive intent behind it." ~ Michael J. Fox


Here we are again... that time of year when tradition says we should set improvement goals for mind, body and spirit. Do you or don't you?

I have to say that it has been only during the past few years that I've actually taken this tradition seriously. I attribute it to a health scare that came out of nowhere.

I knew I was overweight, but I had quit smoking. I knew I didn't eat healthy, but I ate balanced. I knew I didn't exercise enough, but... but... 

OK, I got nothing there. 

Anyway, because I always felt reasonably good, my only maladies being the common cold or occasional flu virus, menopause and arthritis, I considered myself healthy. 

Unfortunately, my heart had some bad news for me. And, I think we all tend to listen intently to messages from the heart. It was time to get serious. 

Unfortunately, the first year was pretty much a bust with regard to reaching my goal of treating my body kinder. But, I wasn't successful at reaching my goals, because I wasn't very good at setting them. I think this is the point where good intentions very easily could become purgatorial asphalt. 

During the second year, I got better, after I read some things about the power of positive intention. As in adopting other behavioral changes, I learned I needed motivation, objectives and a plan of action.

One thing I found out about myself is that I require motivational reminders. Daily reminders. Hourly reminders. Visually graphic reminders. Positioned in strategic areas throughout my house. This action demonstrates intent by changing the environment. 

I also have to write down the goal. In her book, Write It Down, Make It Happen, Dr. Henriette Anne Klauser, one of the leading authorities on communications and writing productivity, talks about the importance of putting goals in writing, citing studies which have shown a much higher success rate for people who write down their goals vs. those who do not. This demonstrates intent by making oneself accountable.

First rule... a resolution has to be specific. In other words, using as an example the perennial #1 resolution, deciding to lose weight in and of itself doesn't cut it. Targets have to be specified. How much weight? By when?

Second rule... the resolution has to be realistic and maintainable. Continuing with the favorite "lose weight" resolution, did you know a pound of body fat contains 3,500 calories? Just to lose one pound per week requires a change in normal lifestyle by either decreasing daily caloric intake by 500 or doing enough cardio exercise to burn 500 calories daily. And, you have to get some strength training in there to replace the body fat with muscle to keep the weight off. That means carving out more time for your workout schedule. So, while losing three pounds a week is doable, it's sure going to require a lot of gym time.

Lastly, you gotta own the goal. Why are you making the resolution? How badly do you want it? If your heart's not in it, you'll lose your motivation, setting yourself up for failure and self-reproach. And, who wants that?!? 

Regardless of your goal, whether it's reading a certain number of books (I also do reviews; see other posts), quitting smoking (c'mon... you KNOW you want that), losing weight (here's a link for some GREAT tips), whatever... choose wisely. Make sure it's one worthy of celebration when you achieve it. 

And, then DO IT! 

Good luck! 

And...

Second Childhood

What we do know is that... another awakening took place; that the human spirit is more powerful than any drug and THAT is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. THESE are the things that matter. This is what we'd forgotten — the simplest things. ~from the movie "Awakenings"

So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key. ~The Eagles, "Already Gone"


As I mentioned in my previous post, my primary objective in writing this blog has been to do something toward setting a new standard on attitudes about aging. I have some friends who spend a lot of time dwelling on the past, moaning about lost youth, remembering the so-called better times when all was new and exciting. Or, worse, there are those who desperately fight the inevitability of growing older, torturing their bodies with plastic surgery and chemical supplements to convince themselves and the world they are just as virile, just as agile, just as young as they want to be... which is really just silly. How can the past be better than the here and now or, more significantly, the future? Why is aging something we’re all supposed to fight off? I think it’s time for us to pull out that revolutionary spirit our generation is so famous for and create the social norm of deliberate aging. George Bernard Shaw said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.”

Grab a pen and paper, put yourself in a positive frame of mind and deliberately think about some of the nice perks you’re experiencing since turning 50. For me, there are quite a few, so I'll get this ball rolling…

First and foremost — and this underscores everything that follows — is an attitude shift with regard to pursuing what makes me happy rather than adopting the happiness formula of others. When all of us are young, peer pressure is so pervasive in our lives that acceptance  becomes one of the most important aspects of existence. I spent an obscene amount of time worrying about whether or not people liked me (I was convinced they didn’t), wanting to be one of the cool kids (I most definitely was not) and trying to stand out by copying exactly what my friends were doing, wearing, saying. Are there any heads nodding in agreement on this sentiment? Around the age of 50, I seemed to develop an attitude shift of, “Sorry you don’t like me, but have a nice life anyway!” And, the end result was amazing confidence in myself, total acceptance of my limitations and unmitigated pride in those little quirks that make me unique.

I’ve noticed, also, that people have become much more tolerant of my straight-forward way of communicating. I haven’t figured out why frank expression is permitted from the moment we begin to speak, even admired as the truth of the innocent, until about the age of 6, when it suddenly becomes anti-social and remains so for the biggest portion of our adult lives. Then, just as suddenly, around the age of 60, it’s OK again. Jump in with any theories on this. Not that it matters. There are few things that are a bigger irritant to me than trying to prove superior intelligence with diarrhea of the mouth, using 50 words to express what could be just as easily understood with 10.

Another plus is that nerdy knowledge, like history (which I love, but found to be such a conversation dud 30 years ago), is now cool. Start spouting off some historical facts to someone in their 20s and they are blown away… seriously. I once corrected someone on the quote attributed to Marie Antoinette, “Let them eat cake,” which she didn’t say, and loved it when the person said, “I didn’t know that,” in a way that suggested I just had to be an incredibly smart person. Or, maybe my head swelled so quickly that I was oblivious to the inference that I was so old I probably had first-hand knowledge. Doesn’t matter. I’ll shamelessly take any credit for intelligence, regardless of intent.

What’s even more recognizable by me is how my own perception of what I consider cool, interesting and fun has changed. For example, I think feeding and watching birds is one of the coolest things in the world to do. There, I said it… think what you like. Truth be told, I could have admitted this years ago. I have no clue why enjoyment in feeding, observing and learning to identify birds is taboo before the age of 50. But, again, it doesn’t matter. I live in the city, but in the spring and summer, I can open up my house and hear birds singing like I’m living in the middle of a wooded park.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s the chicken and egg paradox, as in my newly found interest in learning about wines. Recently, I participated in a wine tasting during which a European gentleman introduced the wines, describing the processes and providing history for each winery represented. It was extremely informative. And, there’s just something about a man with a charming French accent talking about wines that makes you think, “This man is a FREAKING WINE GENIUS!” Of course, on the subject of wines, it doesn’t take a whole lot to dumb me down. While I’m loving the learning process as it unfolds, I wonder sometimes if this is a latent interest that was suppressed because there was nothing in my life before that would encourage pursuit, or is it the maturity of my years that has prompted the enjoyment of both the taste and the knowledge? Doesn’t matter. I don’t always drink wine with my meal, but when I do, at least I know what I’m doing… kind of.

Which brings me to a personal revelation with regard to my musical tastes… in particular, jazz. I’ve come to realize I’ve always liked it. Steely Dan; Earth, Wind and Fire; Chicago; Blood, Sweat and Tears; Santana; Steve Wonder… all artists I loved in my youth — and still do — and all have musical styles steeped in jazz. But, I never would have acknowledged that fact 30 years ago when I was actually bobbing my head to “Shining Star” or “You Haven’t Done Nothing.” I listened to rock and roll. My parents listened to jazz. Now that I’ve embraced this realization, I've learned so much about the genre. Holy cow! The musicality, the talent, the expertise… it’s like finding the Holy Grail of music. But,  that’s a future discussion.

Summing up, the best thing about growing older is that the perspective on life becomes more realistic. I’ve lived through some heartbreakingly sad times that literally brought me to my knees and emerged stronger. I’ve loved and lost, and the sun still came up every day. I’ve been desperately poor, but survived and prospered. I’ve learned how insignificant, yet precious, we all are. There are some things I wish I had done differently, but I don’t know anyone with whom I would be willing to trade lives, even myself as a 20-year-old. And, as far as I’m concerned, the best is yet to come!

All in all, growing old is an awakening, the realization that work, play, friendship, family… these are the things that matter. Everything else, including regret and fear of aging, is chaff to be winnowed away and forgotten. It’s all in perception, and I plan to deliberately approach each new tomorrow with gratitude, wonder and excitement. How about you? You wanna play? Or, grow old?

Resolutions Revisited

Here we are, at the end of January. How’s everyone doing on your New Year’s resolutions?

Some of mine are future goals, requiring months of planning. (See “Shifting Gears” post below.) I have managed to sustain my commitment to lower my stress level by escaping into some leisure reading — two books this month, Endurance (Shackleton gave new meaning to the term “having a bad day”) and Reign of Madness (about Juana of Castille… classic example of the Women's Movement being long overdue). I participated in a hard hat tour of the Kansas City Museum being established in Corinthian Hall and was so impressed, I became a donating member. (I highly recommend this tour if you live locally. It’s only $5 and the curator is an entertaining guide.) I’m still trying to work out some volunteer time with the Kansas City Historic Foundation.  And, I’ve managed to sock a little money into my savings (needless to say, no link provided here). Surprisingly, my fail has been in trying a new restaurant this month. What can I say? It's hard enough to stay within my daily limit of 1,200 calories without using up half of them in one meal dining out.  And, I haven’t found a restaurant with a low calorie menu that makes my taste buds tingle in anticipation, especially when I can prepare an outrageously delicious low calorie dish at home (this recipe is incredibly healthy, easy and tasty, even as leftovers). I may have to change this resolution to be one of just finding restaurants with healthy, low-cal menus besides the prerequisite grilled salmon with steamed vegetables. Got any recommendations?

My No. 1 resolution was to work out at least five hours a week. I’ve had to make a slight adjustment to that goal. It became clear to me that I was trying to work a fantasy body with a reality regimen. I think the proper term would be “ego check.”  At any rate, I’ve only been able to manage a maximum of four hours a week. It has meant some changes in lifestyle that I never would have thought I would be able to tolerate — for instance, getting up at 5:30 a.m. in order to go to the Y and still have time to shower and get ready for work.  Working out at night didn’t seem like a good idea to me… trying to wind down for bedtime with all those hormones, like endorphins, thyroxine and epinephrine, running amok in a body that is already confused by the switch between estrogen and testosterone levels. Stop the madness! Besides, at 6 p.m., my body switches over to zombie mode. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to stereotype zombies or imply they aren’t physically fit; however, I’ve never seen one on a treadmill, in movies or real life. Just sayin’. I used to think that the only people who get up before dawn every morning are the ones whose job is to have an up-close-and-personal relationship with protein in its natural state — warm and breathing. I have a little experience with farm life. It’s why I work in an office. So far, though, the early morning roust is working surprisingly well.

But, the resolutions are just mileposts in a journey, right? It’s all about setting up a lifestyle that will provide a fulfilling life after retirement and beyond, physically, mentally and emotionally. Baby boomers have the proud legacy of setting the standard for social awareness. We’ve never been satisfied with a status quo.  I’m looking forward to continuing that tradition and being a part of the “social revolution” that forever changes the attitudes on aging, even within our own age group. Why, we’re just getting our second wind! There’s still so much to do!!  

Shifting Gears

I originally started this blog with three goals in mind: to talk about the great places I've visited; to encourage other older, single women to be bold about traveling; and, to inspire people to learn about the history of the US. I explained how life circumstances first led me to discover my love for travel. Now, life circumstances have conspired to limit my ability to do so, at least for a while. But, it's all OK! I still refuse to live a fuddy-duddy life. And, I still want to inspire other baby boomers to continue in the movement we all started as teenagers, that of never growing too old to challenge ourselves!

So, I'm shifting gears and have decided to dedicate this blog to sharing ideas and inspiration for changing the perception of post-productive years from winding-down to awe-inspiring. I hope you'll share your experiences, as well. And, with 2012 only hours away, it's the perfect time to reflect on the theme of "out with the old, in with the new."

Do you fall into the trap of making the same New Year's resolutions, year after year, but never really achieving those goals? I know I used to. But, I think I know why, at least for me, I was never able to reach my intended goal... I made my resolutuions too vague and unmeasurable. I found myself saying, "This year I'm going to lose weight, work out more, spend more time with friends and family, blah, blah, blah." The key to that is, I never said how much weight I was going to lose, how many times a week I was going to work out, how much time I was going to visit or communicate with friends and family. So, it was a glass half-full/half empty concept of success, with success depending solely on perception. One pound would be weight loss, but hardly worth counting as an achievement.

But, in 2011, I did something different. I became specific in my goals. For instance I promised myself I would read at least 30 minutes a day. I read 12 books last year, a new record for me. (By the way, Goodreads is a great online resource for reading.) I also shared my resolutions in writing... on Facebook... with everyone I knew... and that brought in the element of accountability. So, after having some, albeit nominal, success in meeting my goals last year, here are my resolutions for 2012. I hope you'll feel comfortable in sharing yours, as well. But, if not, I challenge you to, at least, make one measurable promise to yourself, write it down and save it for future inspiration.

I do hereby resolve that, in the year 2012, I will (in no particular order of importance):

1.  Work out and/or exercise at least five hours a week.
2.  Spend 30 minutes a day in leisure reading.
3.  Achieve my goal weight of 150 pounds.
4.  Once a month, eat at a restaurant I've never visited before.
5.  Attend four cultural events.
6.  Attend four knowledge-building events.
7.  Volunteer 25 hours.
8.  Put $1,000 in savings.
9.  Give to three charities.
10. Post to this blog once a month.
11. Make my spare room habitable for overnight guests.
12. Spend one evening per month with friends and/or family.

It seems like a lot, but there's a method to my madness. You'll notice a lot of these are strictly for fun and entertainment, easy to keep. It helps with motivation on achieving the harder ones, such as volunteering, saving and losing weight. OK, now it's your turn... 

Oh, and before I forget, my best wishes for all of you to have a great New Year's Eve, with happiness and prosperity in 2012!! Cheers!!