"Premonitions…Premonitions…deep questions they are. Sense the future, once all Jedi could; now few alone have the skill. Visions…gifts from the Force, and curses." ~ Yoda, “Episode III — Revenge of the Sith”
OK, can we talk seriously for a minute or two? Throughout the decades, from 1946 to now, we have impacted every aspect of what people call the American Dream. Have you ever wondered just what that term means? The Constitution outlines it as all men being equally deserving of the opportunity to pursue life, liberty and happiness. It is the very epitome of what it means to be an American citizen. It is so important, that the 13th Amendment was enacted to extend that promise without racial bias and the 19th Amendment made it inclusive to women by giving them a voice at the polls. It’s not just words; it’s a moral direction we all vow to uphold with the words, “I pledge allegiance to…” I don’t know about you, but I’m totally down with that. It’s what I demand for myself but, more importantly, what I want to guarantee for my kids and grandkids. Which brings us to my whole intended purpose in writing this blog… to challenge all baby boomers to set the standard for a better, richer and fuller life after 50 that will be the blueprint for future generations. In other words, just as we have at every stage of life, let’s plow the road!!
We may not have to grow old in the traditional sense, but we will eventually have to face our mortality. I am reminded of the 2,000 who left their homes on Sept. 11, 2001, without a clue that they were kissing their children and spouses for the last time. Unless you’ve got a crystal ball or the sight of a Jedi master, nobody knows what our future really holds. There’s always the possibility of being struck by a debilitating disease or injury, despite all your efforts to stay active and healthy. In this case, it’s not about you anymore, it’s about the people you love and who love you. Just as you cannot accurately predict how or when you will leave this life, you can’t predict the circumstances in which your survivors may find themselves at that time.
I always think of the movie, “Imitation of Life,” when I think about end-of-life preparations. At the end of the movie, Annie tells her friends her last wishes are all written down, and they include a gospel choir (with Mahalia Jackson, no less) a horse-drawn, glass-sided hearse and a brass band parade. Before she dies, she says, “Everything’s paid for.” Well, of course it was all paid for! It’s a movie, for crying out loud! But, what about real life? How much preparation have you taken?
Funeral expenses are just one aspect of planning for the inevitable. It’s been almost a year since my mother had her stroke and passed away. That experience taught me some hard and serious lessons, not the least of which was stroke symptoms. Had I put my foot down and insisted that my mother go to a facility with on-site medical staff when I first thought, “She’s really losing it,” she probably would have been spared the agony of stroke aftermath —unable to talk, walk or swallow, being fed through a tube inserted in her stomach, with the cognizance of a child. But, I ignorantly mistook her symptoms as normal aging and gave in to her insistence of independent living… not that I could have done anything about it, which was lesson number two. Because I did not have medical power of attorney, short of taking legal steps to prove incompetence and without the assistance of her doctor — don’t even get me started on geriatric medical care — I was overruled.
And, it only gets worse. Besides being unable to force the issue legally of her moving to an assisted living facility, quite frankly, I was appalled at what we would be able to afford for her, which I can only describe as slightly better than a refugee center. What followed was a series of emotional body blows that seemed to be leading to the conclusion of me quitting my job in order to stay home and care for my mother, seriously compromising my own future security and setting the stage for being a burden to my own children should something happen to me. Luckily, my brother and I had learned my mother had no burial plan or life insurance years before she suffered the stroke and, by purchasing a plan in advance, we were able to avoid financial disaster upon her death a month after the stroke. That one month seemed like the longest year of my life.
We all do what we have to do when it comes to family, as much because we love them as because it is our moral obligation. But, that doesn’t mean it should ever be an expectation. By planning and making provisions for the inevitable, we take the first steps in protecting the future lives of our loved ones. Below are some important actions you should seriously consider taking to assure that the American Dream remains a viable option for your survivors.
1. Purchase a burial policy. Unlike auto or homeowner’s insurance, it’s a guarantee that you’ll use it. The added bonus is that you’ll lock in the cost at current prices. In 2010, average funeral costs were around $8,000 for the basics. That’s up 40% from 2000. For a lot of folks, life insurance is provided through an employee group policy, which ceases upon retirement. Yes, Social Security has a death benefit… a whopping $255, which leaves your survivors holding the bag for a large, immediate out-of-pocket expense.
2. Create an advance directive, commonly called a living will. Generally, this document outlines your wishes concerning life-prolonging treatments, specifically which treatments you do or do not want applied to you in the event you either suffer from a terminal illness or are in a permanent vegetative state. A living will does not become effective unless you are incapacitated; until then you'll be able to say what treatments you do or don't want.
3. Give medical power of attorney to the person who will most likely take responsibility for your care, should it become necessary. This will allow that person to make decisions regarding your health care only when a physician certifies, in writing, that you are incapable of making your own decisions. Without it, you are at the mercy and complete control of the medical community in accordance with the law. May I just say here, a doctor or hospital will be absolutely committed to continuing your life with every available medical treatment and technology, so help them God. In my stressful, emotional state, I honestly began to think they considered my mother a medical science experiment.
There are restrictions in place that prevent abuse with the power of attorney. It does not allow for you to be committed to a mental institution without physician referral, given convulsive treatment or psychosurgery or be denied comfort care. And, in the medical power of attorney document itself, you can limit the extent of decision-making authority.
4. Purchase long-term care insurance. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, about 60 percent of individuals over age 65 will require at least some type of long-term care services during their lifetimes. If a weatherman says 60 percent chance of rain, most of us expect to get wet. I cannot stress this enough. Grab your umbrella!
If you have any doubt about this, I strongly urge you to do the research. This is what you are likely to find:
- Average cost per month for assisted living is $3,000. If you can afford this, your financial planner deserves to be mentioned in your will.
- Average cost for a private room in a nursing home is $190 a day. Semi-private rooms are not much cheaper. Ever stayed in a hospital for a few days, sharing a room with a total stranger, with all his total stranger family coming and going, listening to his every cough, gag, sneeze, wheeze, burp and fart 24 hours a day? Want to try it with the additional codicil of "until you die?" I rest my case.
- Adult in-home day care averages $40 a day. This is where you get a really nice person coming into your home as needed, asking you, "How are we doing today?" He takes your vitals, fluffs your pillows, prepares something for you to eat, helps you bathe, makes small talk, does the laundry and light housekeeping. It's a pretty good deal, really, for $1,000 a month. And, Medicare will pick up part of the tab. But, those are today's prices. Once all us baby boomers start reaching the point of needing this kind of service, supply and demand is going to push that price up more and more.
- Home health aide services average $20 a day. This is just your basic checking your vitals, giving you medication, making sure you're going to make it through another day and gone.
It’s a no-brainer. Assuring that your survivors are not subjected to a painful legacy of undeserved debt will make for happy memories of someone who loved them enough to plan. And that, my friends, is called immortality.
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