Second Childhood

What we do know is that... another awakening took place; that the human spirit is more powerful than any drug and THAT is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. THESE are the things that matter. This is what we'd forgotten — the simplest things. ~from the movie "Awakenings"

So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key. ~The Eagles, "Already Gone"


As I mentioned in my previous post, my primary objective in writing this blog has been to do something toward setting a new standard on attitudes about aging. I have some friends who spend a lot of time dwelling on the past, moaning about lost youth, remembering the so-called better times when all was new and exciting. Or, worse, there are those who desperately fight the inevitability of growing older, torturing their bodies with plastic surgery and chemical supplements to convince themselves and the world they are just as virile, just as agile, just as young as they want to be... which is really just silly. How can the past be better than the here and now or, more significantly, the future? Why is aging something we’re all supposed to fight off? I think it’s time for us to pull out that revolutionary spirit our generation is so famous for and create the social norm of deliberate aging. George Bernard Shaw said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.”

Grab a pen and paper, put yourself in a positive frame of mind and deliberately think about some of the nice perks you’re experiencing since turning 50. For me, there are quite a few, so I'll get this ball rolling…

First and foremost — and this underscores everything that follows — is an attitude shift with regard to pursuing what makes me happy rather than adopting the happiness formula of others. When all of us are young, peer pressure is so pervasive in our lives that acceptance  becomes one of the most important aspects of existence. I spent an obscene amount of time worrying about whether or not people liked me (I was convinced they didn’t), wanting to be one of the cool kids (I most definitely was not) and trying to stand out by copying exactly what my friends were doing, wearing, saying. Are there any heads nodding in agreement on this sentiment? Around the age of 50, I seemed to develop an attitude shift of, “Sorry you don’t like me, but have a nice life anyway!” And, the end result was amazing confidence in myself, total acceptance of my limitations and unmitigated pride in those little quirks that make me unique.

I’ve noticed, also, that people have become much more tolerant of my straight-forward way of communicating. I haven’t figured out why frank expression is permitted from the moment we begin to speak, even admired as the truth of the innocent, until about the age of 6, when it suddenly becomes anti-social and remains so for the biggest portion of our adult lives. Then, just as suddenly, around the age of 60, it’s OK again. Jump in with any theories on this. Not that it matters. There are few things that are a bigger irritant to me than trying to prove superior intelligence with diarrhea of the mouth, using 50 words to express what could be just as easily understood with 10.

Another plus is that nerdy knowledge, like history (which I love, but found to be such a conversation dud 30 years ago), is now cool. Start spouting off some historical facts to someone in their 20s and they are blown away… seriously. I once corrected someone on the quote attributed to Marie Antoinette, “Let them eat cake,” which she didn’t say, and loved it when the person said, “I didn’t know that,” in a way that suggested I just had to be an incredibly smart person. Or, maybe my head swelled so quickly that I was oblivious to the inference that I was so old I probably had first-hand knowledge. Doesn’t matter. I’ll shamelessly take any credit for intelligence, regardless of intent.

What’s even more recognizable by me is how my own perception of what I consider cool, interesting and fun has changed. For example, I think feeding and watching birds is one of the coolest things in the world to do. There, I said it… think what you like. Truth be told, I could have admitted this years ago. I have no clue why enjoyment in feeding, observing and learning to identify birds is taboo before the age of 50. But, again, it doesn’t matter. I live in the city, but in the spring and summer, I can open up my house and hear birds singing like I’m living in the middle of a wooded park.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s the chicken and egg paradox, as in my newly found interest in learning about wines. Recently, I participated in a wine tasting during which a European gentleman introduced the wines, describing the processes and providing history for each winery represented. It was extremely informative. And, there’s just something about a man with a charming French accent talking about wines that makes you think, “This man is a FREAKING WINE GENIUS!” Of course, on the subject of wines, it doesn’t take a whole lot to dumb me down. While I’m loving the learning process as it unfolds, I wonder sometimes if this is a latent interest that was suppressed because there was nothing in my life before that would encourage pursuit, or is it the maturity of my years that has prompted the enjoyment of both the taste and the knowledge? Doesn’t matter. I don’t always drink wine with my meal, but when I do, at least I know what I’m doing… kind of.

Which brings me to a personal revelation with regard to my musical tastes… in particular, jazz. I’ve come to realize I’ve always liked it. Steely Dan; Earth, Wind and Fire; Chicago; Blood, Sweat and Tears; Santana; Steve Wonder… all artists I loved in my youth — and still do — and all have musical styles steeped in jazz. But, I never would have acknowledged that fact 30 years ago when I was actually bobbing my head to “Shining Star” or “You Haven’t Done Nothing.” I listened to rock and roll. My parents listened to jazz. Now that I’ve embraced this realization, I've learned so much about the genre. Holy cow! The musicality, the talent, the expertise… it’s like finding the Holy Grail of music. But,  that’s a future discussion.

Summing up, the best thing about growing older is that the perspective on life becomes more realistic. I’ve lived through some heartbreakingly sad times that literally brought me to my knees and emerged stronger. I’ve loved and lost, and the sun still came up every day. I’ve been desperately poor, but survived and prospered. I’ve learned how insignificant, yet precious, we all are. There are some things I wish I had done differently, but I don’t know anyone with whom I would be willing to trade lives, even myself as a 20-year-old. And, as far as I’m concerned, the best is yet to come!

All in all, growing old is an awakening, the realization that work, play, friendship, family… these are the things that matter. Everything else, including regret and fear of aging, is chaff to be winnowed away and forgotten. It’s all in perception, and I plan to deliberately approach each new tomorrow with gratitude, wonder and excitement. How about you? You wanna play? Or, grow old?