What we do know is that... another awakening took place; that the human spirit is more powerful than any drug and THAT is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. THESE are the things that matter. This is what we'd forgotten — the simplest things. ~from the movie "Awakenings"
So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key. ~The Eagles, "Already Gone"
As I mentioned in my previous post, my primary objective in writing this blog has been to do something toward setting a new standard on attitudes about aging. I have some friends who spend a lot of time dwelling on the past, moaning about lost youth, remembering the so-called better times when all was new and exciting. Or, worse, there are those who desperately fight the inevitability of growing older, torturing their bodies with plastic surgery and chemical supplements to convince themselves and the world they are just as virile, just as agile, just as young as they want to be... which is really just silly. How can the past be better than the here and now or, more significantly, the future? Why is aging something we’re all supposed to fight off? I think it’s time for us to pull out that revolutionary spirit our generation is so famous for and create the social norm of deliberate aging. George Bernard Shaw said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.”
Grab a pen and paper, put yourself in a positive frame of mind and deliberately think about some of the nice perks you’re experiencing since turning 50. For me, there are quite a few, so I'll get this ball rolling…
First and foremost — and this underscores everything that follows — is an attitude shift with regard to pursuing what makes me happy rather than adopting the happiness formula of others. When all of us are young, peer pressure is so pervasive in our lives that acceptance becomes one of the most important aspects of existence. I spent an obscene amount of time worrying about whether or not people liked me (I was convinced they didn’t), wanting to be one of the cool kids (I most definitely was not) and trying to stand out by copying exactly what my friends were doing, wearing, saying. Are there any heads nodding in agreement on this sentiment? Around the age of 50, I seemed to develop an attitude shift of, “Sorry you don’t like me, but have a nice life anyway!” And, the end result was amazing confidence in myself, total acceptance of my limitations and unmitigated pride in those little quirks that make me unique.
I’ve noticed, also, that people have become much more tolerant of my straight-forward way of communicating. I haven’t figured out why frank expression is permitted from the moment we begin to speak, even admired as the truth of the innocent, until about the age of 6, when it suddenly becomes anti-social and remains so for the biggest portion of our adult lives. Then, just as suddenly, around the age of 60, it’s OK again. Jump in with any theories on this. Not that it matters. There are few things that are a bigger irritant to me than trying to prove superior intelligence with diarrhea of the mouth, using 50 words to express what could be just as easily understood with 10.
Another plus is that nerdy knowledge, like history (which I love, but found to be such a conversation dud 30 years ago), is now cool. Start spouting off some historical facts to someone in their 20s and they are blown away… seriously. I once corrected someone on the quote attributed to Marie Antoinette, “Let them eat cake,” which she didn’t say, and loved it when the person said, “I didn’t know that,” in a way that suggested I just had to be an incredibly smart person. Or, maybe my head swelled so quickly that I was oblivious to the inference that I was so old I probably had first-hand knowledge. Doesn’t matter. I’ll shamelessly take any credit for intelligence, regardless of intent.
What’s even more recognizable by me is how my own perception of what I consider cool, interesting and fun has changed. For example, I think feeding and watching birds is one of the coolest things in the world to do. There, I said it… think what you like. Truth be told, I could have admitted this years ago. I have no clue why enjoyment in feeding, observing and learning to identify birds is taboo before the age of 50. But, again, it doesn’t matter. I live in the city, but in the spring and summer, I can open up my house and hear birds singing like I’m living in the middle of a wooded park.
Sometimes, I wonder if it’s the chicken and egg paradox, as in my newly found interest in learning about wines. Recently, I participated in a wine tasting during which a European gentleman introduced the wines, describing the processes and providing history for each winery represented. It was extremely informative. And, there’s just something about a man with a charming French accent talking about wines that makes you think, “This man is a FREAKING WINE GENIUS!” Of course, on the subject of wines, it doesn’t take a whole lot to dumb me down. While I’m loving the learning process as it unfolds, I wonder sometimes if this is a latent interest that was suppressed because there was nothing in my life before that would encourage pursuit, or is it the maturity of my years that has prompted the enjoyment of both the taste and the knowledge? Doesn’t matter. I don’t always drink wine with my meal, but when I do, at least I know what I’m doing… kind of.
Which brings me to a personal revelation with regard to my musical tastes… in particular, jazz. I’ve come to realize I’ve always liked it. Steely Dan; Earth, Wind and Fire; Chicago; Blood, Sweat and Tears; Santana; Steve Wonder… all artists I loved in my youth — and still do — and all have musical styles steeped in jazz. But, I never would have acknowledged that fact 30 years ago when I was actually bobbing my head to “Shining Star” or “You Haven’t Done Nothing.” I listened to rock and roll. My parents listened to jazz. Now that I’ve embraced this realization, I've learned so much about the genre. Holy cow! The musicality, the talent, the expertise… it’s like finding the Holy Grail of music. But, that’s a future discussion.
Summing up, the best thing about growing older is that the perspective on life becomes more realistic. I’ve lived through some heartbreakingly sad times that literally brought me to my knees and emerged stronger. I’ve loved and lost, and the sun still came up every day. I’ve been desperately poor, but survived and prospered. I’ve learned how insignificant, yet precious, we all are. There are some things I wish I had done differently, but I don’t know anyone with whom I would be willing to trade lives, even myself as a 20-year-old. And, as far as I’m concerned, the best is yet to come!
All in all, growing old is an awakening, the realization that work, play, friendship, family… these are the things that matter. Everything else, including regret and fear of aging, is chaff to be winnowed away and forgotten. It’s all in perception, and I plan to deliberately approach each new tomorrow with gratitude, wonder and excitement. How about you? You wanna play? Or, grow old?
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Taking Care of Business
"Premonitions…Premonitions…deep questions they are. Sense the future, once all Jedi could; now few alone have the skill. Visions…gifts from the Force, and curses." ~ Yoda, “Episode III — Revenge of the Sith”
OK, can we talk seriously for a minute or two? Throughout the decades, from 1946 to now, we have impacted every aspect of what people call the American Dream. Have you ever wondered just what that term means? The Constitution outlines it as all men being equally deserving of the opportunity to pursue life, liberty and happiness. It is the very epitome of what it means to be an American citizen. It is so important, that the 13th Amendment was enacted to extend that promise without racial bias and the 19th Amendment made it inclusive to women by giving them a voice at the polls. It’s not just words; it’s a moral direction we all vow to uphold with the words, “I pledge allegiance to…” I don’t know about you, but I’m totally down with that. It’s what I demand for myself but, more importantly, what I want to guarantee for my kids and grandkids. Which brings us to my whole intended purpose in writing this blog… to challenge all baby boomers to set the standard for a better, richer and fuller life after 50 that will be the blueprint for future generations. In other words, just as we have at every stage of life, let’s plow the road!!
We may not have to grow old in the traditional sense, but we will eventually have to face our mortality. I am reminded of the 2,000 who left their homes on Sept. 11, 2001, without a clue that they were kissing their children and spouses for the last time. Unless you’ve got a crystal ball or the sight of a Jedi master, nobody knows what our future really holds. There’s always the possibility of being struck by a debilitating disease or injury, despite all your efforts to stay active and healthy. In this case, it’s not about you anymore, it’s about the people you love and who love you. Just as you cannot accurately predict how or when you will leave this life, you can’t predict the circumstances in which your survivors may find themselves at that time.
I always think of the movie, “Imitation of Life,” when I think about end-of-life preparations. At the end of the movie, Annie tells her friends her last wishes are all written down, and they include a gospel choir (with Mahalia Jackson, no less) a horse-drawn, glass-sided hearse and a brass band parade. Before she dies, she says, “Everything’s paid for.” Well, of course it was all paid for! It’s a movie, for crying out loud! But, what about real life? How much preparation have you taken?
Funeral expenses are just one aspect of planning for the inevitable. It’s been almost a year since my mother had her stroke and passed away. That experience taught me some hard and serious lessons, not the least of which was stroke symptoms. Had I put my foot down and insisted that my mother go to a facility with on-site medical staff when I first thought, “She’s really losing it,” she probably would have been spared the agony of stroke aftermath —unable to talk, walk or swallow, being fed through a tube inserted in her stomach, with the cognizance of a child. But, I ignorantly mistook her symptoms as normal aging and gave in to her insistence of independent living… not that I could have done anything about it, which was lesson number two. Because I did not have medical power of attorney, short of taking legal steps to prove incompetence and without the assistance of her doctor — don’t even get me started on geriatric medical care — I was overruled.
And, it only gets worse. Besides being unable to force the issue legally of her moving to an assisted living facility, quite frankly, I was appalled at what we would be able to afford for her, which I can only describe as slightly better than a refugee center. What followed was a series of emotional body blows that seemed to be leading to the conclusion of me quitting my job in order to stay home and care for my mother, seriously compromising my own future security and setting the stage for being a burden to my own children should something happen to me. Luckily, my brother and I had learned my mother had no burial plan or life insurance years before she suffered the stroke and, by purchasing a plan in advance, we were able to avoid financial disaster upon her death a month after the stroke. That one month seemed like the longest year of my life.
We all do what we have to do when it comes to family, as much because we love them as because it is our moral obligation. But, that doesn’t mean it should ever be an expectation. By planning and making provisions for the inevitable, we take the first steps in protecting the future lives of our loved ones. Below are some important actions you should seriously consider taking to assure that the American Dream remains a viable option for your survivors.
1. Purchase a burial policy. Unlike auto or homeowner’s insurance, it’s a guarantee that you’ll use it. The added bonus is that you’ll lock in the cost at current prices. In 2010, average funeral costs were around $8,000 for the basics. That’s up 40% from 2000. For a lot of folks, life insurance is provided through an employee group policy, which ceases upon retirement. Yes, Social Security has a death benefit… a whopping $255, which leaves your survivors holding the bag for a large, immediate out-of-pocket expense.
2. Create an advance directive, commonly called a living will. Generally, this document outlines your wishes concerning life-prolonging treatments, specifically which treatments you do or do not want applied to you in the event you either suffer from a terminal illness or are in a permanent vegetative state. A living will does not become effective unless you are incapacitated; until then you'll be able to say what treatments you do or don't want.
3. Give medical power of attorney to the person who will most likely take responsibility for your care, should it become necessary. This will allow that person to make decisions regarding your health care only when a physician certifies, in writing, that you are incapable of making your own decisions. Without it, you are at the mercy and complete control of the medical community in accordance with the law. May I just say here, a doctor or hospital will be absolutely committed to continuing your life with every available medical treatment and technology, so help them God. In my stressful, emotional state, I honestly began to think they considered my mother a medical science experiment.
There are restrictions in place that prevent abuse with the power of attorney. It does not allow for you to be committed to a mental institution without physician referral, given convulsive treatment or psychosurgery or be denied comfort care. And, in the medical power of attorney document itself, you can limit the extent of decision-making authority.
4. Purchase long-term care insurance. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, about 60 percent of individuals over age 65 will require at least some type of long-term care services during their lifetimes. If a weatherman says 60 percent chance of rain, most of us expect to get wet. I cannot stress this enough. Grab your umbrella!
If you have any doubt about this, I strongly urge you to do the research. This is what you are likely to find:
- Average cost per month for assisted living is $3,000. If you can afford this, your financial planner deserves to be mentioned in your will.
- Average cost for a private room in a nursing home is $190 a day. Semi-private rooms are not much cheaper. Ever stayed in a hospital for a few days, sharing a room with a total stranger, with all his total stranger family coming and going, listening to his every cough, gag, sneeze, wheeze, burp and fart 24 hours a day? Want to try it with the additional codicil of "until you die?" I rest my case.
- Adult in-home day care averages $40 a day. This is where you get a really nice person coming into your home as needed, asking you, "How are we doing today?" He takes your vitals, fluffs your pillows, prepares something for you to eat, helps you bathe, makes small talk, does the laundry and light housekeeping. It's a pretty good deal, really, for $1,000 a month. And, Medicare will pick up part of the tab. But, those are today's prices. Once all us baby boomers start reaching the point of needing this kind of service, supply and demand is going to push that price up more and more.
- Home health aide services average $20 a day. This is just your basic checking your vitals, giving you medication, making sure you're going to make it through another day and gone.
It’s a no-brainer. Assuring that your survivors are not subjected to a painful legacy of undeserved debt will make for happy memories of someone who loved them enough to plan. And that, my friends, is called immortality.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Let's Get Physical
Remember when MTV actually was music television? And, soft pop recording artist Olivia Newton John had her first, and only, No. 1 American hit with the song “Physical?” It was one of those situations of a domino effect, wherein the shock of uber virginal Sandy from “Grease” sang the lyrics, “There’s nothing left to talk about unless its horizontally,” causing a collective jaw drop. Add to that the video of Olivia rubbing up against some hard bodies on the MTV video, in a workout costume that covered her from neck to ankle and revealed everything, as well as the ban on radio play in the Bible Belt… well, that’s the perfect recipe for guaranteed platinum, baby! Suddenly, leotards, leg warmers and forehead sweatbands were haute couture.
Prior to this, women wouldn’t be caught dead in a sweaty, smelly gym. Eewwww! Helloooo, Jane Fonda… show us how to feel that burn! Fitness clubs could hear the cha-ching loud and clear and, next thing you know, gyms have female-friendly weights, Jazzercise® and juice bars. Voila! Birth of a phenomenom.
But, that was then, this is now. Just how much exercise are you getting nowadays?
Before we evaluate the reasons/excuses you might have for not maintaining an ongoing fitness routine, let’s take a look at why it is so important for people over the age of 50 to commit to some form of regular exercise.
· Loss of muscle mass (sarcopenia) increases as we age. After 50, muscle mass decreases one to two percent per year. Muscle keeps us strong, it burns calories and helps us maintain our weight, and it contributes to balance and bone strength. Without it, we can lose our independence and our mobility.
· Endurance decreases as we age. In one Tufts study (Comprehensive Geriatric Assessment), the participants were frail nursing-home residents whose ages ranged from 72 to 98. After just ten weeks, strength-training improved their muscle strength, ability to climb stairs and walking speed.
· Balance decreases as we age and, importantly, falling is a major problem as a result. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), one of every three Americans over the age of 65 falls each year. And, among individuals aged 65-84, falls account for 87 percent of all fractures and are the second leading cause of spinal cord and brain injury. The good news is that physical activity can improve balance and reduce the risk of falling.
· Bones tend to decrease in density as we age, and for some individuals, it can lead to osteoporosis, resulting in an increased risk of fracture. And, it’s not just a woman’s disease. According to the National Osteoporosis Foundation, approximately two million men past the page of 50 already have osteoporosis and men in that age group are more likely to break a bone due to osteoporosis than they are to get prostate cancer. Bone is like any other living tissue, it responds to exercise by becoming stronger.
· Many aging adults are susceptible to osteoarthritis (the type of arthritis that affects the bone by wearing down the cushion that pads the space between bones). The Arthritis Foundation website lists many studies confirming that exercise can improve function for people with arthritis. Arthritis Today magazine stated unequivocally that people with arthritis must use their bodies or lose their independence.
· The Mayo Clinic website states risk of high blood pressure (hypertension — the most important risk factor for stroke) increases with age, and is the number one cause of stroke. But, getting some exercise can make a big difference. And, if your blood pressure is already high, exercise can help you control it.
Any questions so far?
Now, let’s look at what it takes to get you on an exercise regimen. Trainers agree unanimously that finding the workout environment that meets individual need is crucial to a successful long-term commitment.
Now, let’s look at what it takes to get you on an exercise regimen. Trainers agree unanimously that finding the workout environment that meets individual need is crucial to a successful long-term commitment.
Perhaps you joined a fitness center in the past in your effort to get healthy. How's that working for you? If it's not, did you drop out because of cost or convenience? Or, maybe you just didn’t like the idea of having a audience, especially if you were working out next to a guy who looked like he was 22 years old and could compete in a Mr. Universe contest. Now, you can lose those inhibitions. Just as gyms changed to accommodate a growing population of female clientele, gyms are evolving once more, this time to be senior friendly. “For the first time, we have a cohort of people who are just getting ready to retire and have an expectation of being physically active,” said Wojtek J. Chodzko-Zajko, an exercise scientist and expert in fitness at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Translation, there's a growing number of people your age, and very likely with your body style, hitting the gym. In fact, the challenge will most likely now be getting outdone by someone who is probably 10 years your senior and, yes, I'm speaking from experience.
Many people feel the best way to get in shape is to join a gym. There’s an element of accountability if you work with a trainer and weather is not a factor. There’s also the social aspect of a group, particularly if you choose to buddy up with someone to spot you and cheer your progress. Be sure to choose a location as close to home as possible.
Gyms are not necessarily the answer for everyone. While some baby boomers are able to jog regularly, and love it, it’s important to consider the impact on joints. But, if you love the outdoors and fresh air and have access to a jogging trail, power walking is always an alternative. There is great research about how outdoor exercise can be very calming for the body, as well as invigorating. There’s also the added benefit of uneven terrain, which kicks up the intensity a bit in intervals, perfect for increasing stamina.
DVDs and home equipment are great for keeping you on track when time constraints or weather restricts your ability to get out. While they may not offer optimal results, anything that moves you away from couch potato status is a benefit!
Finally, if you do the same thing all the time, you’ll quickly get bored, your body will plateau and you’ll bail on working out altogether. It doesn't have to be all about treadmills, exercise bikes and free weights. A friend of mine recently discovered the joy — yes, I said JOY! — of learning ballroom dancing. So mix it up!
There are four main types of exercise and seniors need some of each:
There are four main types of exercise and seniors need some of each:
· Endurance activities, such as walking, swimming or riding a bike build "staying power" and improve the health of the heart and circulatory system.
· Strengthening exercises, which build muscle tissue and reduce age-related muscle loss.
· Stretching exercises to keep the body limber and flexible.
· Balance exercises to reduce the chances of a fall
There is a fountain of youth. Millions have discovered it. The secret to feeling better and living independently longer is staying active. Finding a program that works for you and sticking with it will pay big dividends. Check out the following websites for more information. And, if you’re having difficulty making a decision on a fitness center, check out your local YMCA. It’s inexpensive, has a great social atmosphere and serves the whole community.
Bottom line… unless you’re as rich as Daddy Warbucks and can afford Nursing Home Club Med, I have two words for you… Jack LaLanne, who was 96 when he died. He once said, “Exercise is king, nutrition is queen. With both, you have a kingdom.”
And, who doesn’t want their own kingdom?
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